You don’t need me to remind you of the overall state of the world right now. It’s crazy out there. But beyond that toilet paper is being rationed out at Costco and we are missing our favorite restaurants, the birth world is all upside down.

Many hospitals are placing limitations on how many visitors are allowed in delivery rooms, children are not allowed to visit their new sibling, doulas are not being allowed in, partners are the sole support person and are even in some cases not allowed to be present at all, there are news stories circulating that newborns are being removed from the mother until her tests for COVID-19 come back negative. Women are having to birth alone, and if you’ve ever given birth, that isn’t the time to feel isolated and alone.

Families are switching to home birth by the droves, home birth midwives are handling the influx by banding together and supporting each other. But what about the women who are high risk and cannot birth at home? Or those who simply feel safer in a hospital? Where do you turn to for support?

In a time when everything feels like it’s outside of your control and you feel trapped or without options, I am here to tell you that you 👏 still 👏 have 👏 options! And with a bit of planning ahead and knowing where to look, you are capable of having an AMAZING birth - in spite of COVID-19.

Here are my top tips (Plus a big secret at the end)

Write a birth plan. 

Listen. Would you show up on your wedding day without a plan in place? Of course you wouldn’t (Even Joe Exotic obviously planned his wedding - at least to the point that they wore matching shirts. But there’s a lot to unpack there…). Then why are you going into your birth without a plan? Studies done on elderly women with Alzheimer’s have shown that they still remember how they felt giving birth. Make a plan for what your ideal birth experience would look like, because here’s the thing - The birth plan is less about following a set-in-stone plan and more about what you learn about your options while making it! Because I promise you, you still have options, you still have a say in how your birth goes, and one change - or even several changes - in hospital policy is not strong enough to ruin your birth. If you need help crafting a plan that is dynamic and is able to change with anything that comes up, contact me and I will help you!

Hire a Digital Doula

Yes, you read that right. When most people think of doulas, they think of someone who attends births in person, squeezes hips, speaks affirming and encouraging words, brings you ice chips and makes your birth magical. But you know, not everyone needs a doula to have a great birth (aaaaand that’s the sound of doulas everywhere fainting). But what a lot of people may need is someone who can give them information, education, ask good questions, in turn, help you ask good questions, and in the end, help you realize that you have always been the hero of your birth story and that your birth can be magical and empowering with just you and your partner present! This is the work of a digital doula. We are your guides from afar, but that doesn’t make what we do any less potent.

Have a plan for your older kiddos

If this isn’t your first baby, you may be coming up to the question of what to do with your older kids. Many moms are facing birthing alone completely because their partner has to stay home with them instead of being present for your birth. As someone who does not have a lot of family in the area, this is something that hits home with me! What do you do? There are a few options for you in this situation:

• Have a trusted friend or neighbor either stay at your home or take your kids to theirs when you need to head to the hospital. 

• Hire a babysitter - But this has its limitations. Not many sitters are willing to be on-call for when you go into labor in the middle of the night.

• Get a sibling doula - usually a birth or a postpartum doula, these professionals remain on-call and stay with your kids for the length of your birth. The best part about having a sibling doula is that since they are already working as postpartum or birth professionals, they usually carry liability insurance, have background check done and know CPR (at least, ours do!)

Use Affirmations

Affirmations are a vital piece of a good birth experience. Your self-talk and mindset will either serve you or hold you down. Having rehearsed and prepared affirmations - they don’t have to be pretty, but they should be written out - can be your lifeline when you are feeling overwhelmed and struggling in your birth. Not only will you see them and use them, but your partner or nurses can remind you of them. Here are some of my favorites: 

• I am the hero of my own birth story

• My baby and I are safe

• I am strong and capable

• Release and relax

• I can do anything for one minute

• Every contraction brings me closer to my baby

• I am not laboring alone. Thousands of women are laboring with me right now.

• I trust my body and the process

Create a postpartum plan 

This is just as important as your birth plan. Going back to the wedding planning example, there’s a saying about people planning for the wedding but not the marriage. This would be equivalent to planning for your birth and not planning for your 4th trimester - the first 12 weeks postpartum - and beyond. Take a class about basic newborn care, have a plan for food, have a safe sleep plan, meet with a lactation consultant or attend a La Leche League meeting - even if it’s via video, speak with a sleep consultant to learn about establishing healthy sleep routines from day 1, hire a postpartum doula who offers virtual calls and check-ins, and create a plan for self care.

Hear other people’s positive birth stories

Social distancing or “healthy proximity” as we’ve heard it reframed, does not mean that we are disconnected from people or their stories. Sure, it is not the same as face-to-face interaction, but it is what we’ve got right now. Join a moms group, attend Virtual Coffee Dates, listen to birth podcasts, ask a friend about their birth (if they have good things to say), and avoid the negative stories.

Okay, so here’s the big secret after giving you all of these tips: These are helpful for making your birth not suck when we aren’t in the middle of a global outbreak! You are always worthy of support, options and good things. Now more than ever!

Hi, I’m Mary.

You know me. I’ve been blogging here for almost 4 years. I’ve attended your births, held your babies at night as your postpartum doula, taught you classes and walked you through making decisions as a new parent (You can still currently book me for consultations, advice sessions, digital doula services and classes). Thanks for reading this blog and being a part of our amazing community! I appreciate you ❤