Walk with me. We are going away from a grey area, where helplessness and hopelessness grow as the weeds tangling around your legs and feet. You may stumble on the way, knees in the dirt then scraped by a steep and sharp climb, and you will be okay. You are moving forward! You are safe, you have shelter to return to, income and a community. Everything will be okay.

Our destination leads us into a world of color! A space where we can breathe steadily and where we can find contentment and dance with peace. This is where we'll feel the most victorious!

Something has brought you here, to a victim mentality. It was a traumatic experience or an exhausting relationship you weren't sure how to leave or heal from. It is this void you've felt your whole life and haven't known how to fill. It is this tiresome standard of perfection something always scratches. Maybe it stems from wanting and never gaining that desired thing or situation.

The most powerful person in your life is you. A victim mentality will stunt your personal growth and that is not your destiny and it will not carry on as your identity.

As I wrote my upcoming autobiography, "The Girl Who Cried Forgiveness During the War" , I pursued a writing warm up and a writing cool down. As I'd dive into remnants of my past, I'd come up against some very dark and paralyzing memories. In this book, I have desired to write with transparency and honesty so that others who have felt the need to retire from life too soon, would know there is hope and that they've never actually been alone, but have only felt alone.

In the warm up, I wrote without filter. I wrote about my anger, my sadness, my strange coping mechanisms, my defeat, my suicidal ideation and my desperation. Then I proceeded to write my chapters. So I wouldn't be stuck in that space where hurt happened, I wrote my cool down. This involved recalling what I had to be grateful for. Even from paternal sexual abuse, I found gratitude in the strength I've gained and the backbone I carry. I have sharper discernment, I have a sadness that quickly evolved into empathy and this superpower to connect with others who've endured a similar pain. I can now help others to leave a victim mentality and become a victor! In this space, their offender has no more room to breathe or even exist. They are forgiven, never forgotten but not the chain around our waist or the burden on our shoulders.

I am a positive psychology advocate. Some believe a hyper happiness isn't realistic and so they dislike the practice of positive psychology. I agree with them, for we need to allow pain to matter. We cannot go around things and expect them to keep their shadows from us, we have to fight through it in order to walk into color.

I believe that positive psychology can be woven throughout the process so that we do not camp out in a victim mentality. The symptoms of a victim mentality can produce symptoms of narcissism and depression. What I am introducing is meant for the tightrope as it is absolutely a balancing act where we recognize hopelessness on one end of our balance beam, and have vision for hope on the other.

If you have a victim mentality, you may not be able to receive constructive criticism. You put yourself down more than your worst enemy. You feel stuck in life. You feel you are incapable of doing what you want. You've experienced a traumatic event and never recovered. You feel like you're not responsible for what happens in your life. You feel that you cannot prevent bad things from happening in your life. When you don't get sympathy, you feel upset. You blame other people a lot and you feel like other people have it better than you. You enjoy feeling sorry for yourself "It feels good to feel bad." You talk about how horrible others are and blow things out of proportion. Empathizing is hard to do. You live in a state of fear. You are just negative. You project your pain onto people you love. Bad things happen to you a lot. Even when good things happen, you're not happy.

A victim mentality is an acquired personality trait.Under this mentality, it is challenging to relate to others and to move forward with ambition, vision, authentic joy, peace and contentment. It is a trait easily noticed by those around you, whether they admit it or not. No one is born with a victim mentality, like no one is born with depression or anxiety. This is result of early life conditioning and negative coping mechanisms.

How can you part with this? Contrary to what's popular and comfortable, people need people and sometimes, people need professional people. I personally maintain friendships with those who point out the broccoli in my teeth. I'd rather a friend tell me I am slipping and stumbling, than a stranger. We don't always see our own shortcomings before others. I seek counsel through Psychotherapy (talk therapy) and see a Psychiatrist concerning my anxiety. I count my gratitudes aloud daily and keep a colorful vision for my future. I also assure my friendship group to be healthy.

Emotional cognition is when a person's emotions and behaviors directly trigger similar emotions and behaviors in other people. This mentality and other's pride and victim mentality is contagious!

Do you have a victim mentality? Which of the symptoms do you recognize in yourself? What will you do to fight it and exchange it for peace and healing?

When you have a friend who has a victim mentality, avoid passive aggressive attention to this. When someone is sad, tell them you're sorry and hug them. When someone is crying, offer a tissue and encourage them that everything is going to be okay. Avoid saying, "Calm down, stop crying, pull yourself together, get over it, or put your big girl panties on."

It is important to let our feelings matter. If you have to say these things on repeat, as though they are enjoying it, apologize for their sadness and ask them, "What are you going to do about it and how can I support that move?"

Meet Vivia Leigh

Vivia Leigh is a Clarity Coach. While a Psychology & Human Resources Major, Vivia is looking forward to publishing her upcoming autobiography called "The Girl Who Cried Forgiveness." This self-help book is to support and love people where they are at while promoting mental health wellness. Vivia is a transparent person sharing the intensities of her experiences to prove to people that they are not alone; they are understood. Vivia does this in a variety of ways through her podcast, TransparenSEE Podcast, her coaching and Birdie's Travel Spa.