DIY Your Birth: A Doula's Guide to Birth Without a Doula
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Doulas are wonderful and an important, valuable member of a birth team! You know this, you know that I know this. But having a doula isn’t for everyone. Some couples want more privacy and intimacy, some can’t afford a doula or maybe you’re giving birth during a global pandemic and doulas are restricted from going into hospitals. Whatever your reason is, I’ve got you! I’m going to share my top tips and tricks that I used as a doula that made me seem like a magic unicorn, that are actually very simple and can be done by your partner, mom or friend.
Counter pressure
I talked about this one in 7 Ways to Distract Yourself in Labor but it definitely bears repeating! What is counter pressure? During a contraction, especially as the baby’s head is engaging with the cervix, it is also pressing against pelvic bones and that can be hella uncomfortable. Pressing against where the pressure is can be a huge relief! You can read more about why this technique is amazing here. So how do you actually do counter pressure? There are different ways you can do this. Let’s talk about the most common and versatile ones:
Hip squeeze
To do a hip squeeze, find the hip bones with the palms of your hands and press in toward the center. Communicate with the owner of the hips whether it feels good or not and whether you should move your hands left, right, up or down. Once you find a good spot, do this and hold it for the duration of each contraction.
This can be done while you are in the following positions:
Hands and knees
Sitting backward on the toilet
Standing
Sacral pressure
This one is a bit simpler. The sacrum is the flat area on the lower back right above the tailbone. Same as with the hip squeeze, you just press on that area, communicating with the sacrum-owner if it's a good spot and amount of pressure (don’t be afraid of pressing hard! I usually press as hard as I can), and hold that pressure for the duration of each contraction.
This can be done while you are in the following positions:
Sitting
Standing
Hands and knees
Laying on her side
Pro tip: Bring a tennis ball to the hospital for this purpose. The tennis ball is firmer and will save your wrists because you won’t have to press as hard.
Knee press
The Knee Press is exactly as it sounds. You press on her knees toward her hips. This can really only be done while you are in sitting position, because if you are sitting facing the room, the hip squeeze and sacral pressure is difficult to do, so this one is awesome!
Making sure you always have water or ice chips
This is so simple and I hesitated listing this one, but it's so important to make sure you are hydrated. Even though you are not exercising, your uterus and other muscles are working hard. Being dehydrated can lead to an irritated uterus (yes, that is as unpleasant as it sounds) and your contractions can tend to be sporadic, ineffective but more painful. So drink up! Take a sip of water between each contraction or every other contraction at least.
Fanning you or keeping cool cloths for your forehead and neck
It’s not called “labor” for nothing! You are going to get hot. Having a handheld fan like this one will be a game changer. Also when labor starts to get intense, ask your labor & delivery nurse for a small tub of ice water and washcloths. Switch out the cloths to your forehead and neck as often as is comfortable.
Massage
Even as a doula, this is something that I always got partners to do! Because here’s the thing, I can learn about different massage techniques and make you comfortable, but your partner knows you and what you like/dislike and the intimacy of massage is a big oxytocin boost. Oxytocin, also known as the Love Hormone, is the hormone responsible for making contractions happen, but it is a natural pain reliever. I’ll leave this part up to you to decide what feels good and to communicate that with your partner.
Breathing techniques (aka reminding you to breathe)
When we are uncomfortable or in pain, we tend to hold our breath. But the problem with that is that when you hold your breath, you are cutting off your oxygen supply and you will tire out faster and your uterus is, you guessed it, going to be irritated. When you start with the shallow or quick breaths, your partner can remind you to focus and follow their breathing.
Reminding you of your birth plan
You wrote a birth plan for a reason, right? But in the thick of labor, it can be difficult to remember why or what your plans were. Have your plan printed out so it is easy to refer back to. If you are wanting to avoid certain interventions, if you are asked “Do you want______ (an epidural, your water broken, etc)?” Your partner can say “Our plan is _____”.
The birth plan isn’t set in stone. You are allowed to change your mind especially when an intervention is the result of something unexpected. But when your partner defers to you to make that decision, it can be incredibly empowering and gives you your voice back when you feel like you want to give up.
(BTW, You can purchase my Birth Planning Guide here!)
There are many more little things that I did as a doula, but those are very practical tools that I almost always used that I helped partners use to get as involved as possible. These don’t replace having a doula, but like I said, if you do not want or cannot have a doula you can still have support and relief techniques to make you as comfortable as possible in birth.
Are you wanting the support of a doula without the doula present? Consider hiring for digital or virtual doula services where you can have someone (me) on call to answer questions and to give you guidance while you are in labor. You can read more about that here!
Hi, I’m Mary.
You know me. I’ve been blogging here for almost 4 years. I’ve attended your births, held your babies at night as your postpartum doula, taught you classes and walked you through making decisions as a new parent . You can book me for birth & postpartum planning sessions, classes, and digital doula services . Thanks for reading this blog and being a part of our amazing community! I appreciate you ❤