How I prepared for my natural hospital birth, and what I wish I had done differently
I don’t talk about my own birth choices very often with clients. And if you are a past client reading this and you’ve asked me “Mary, what did you do for____?”, you’re probably sitting on the edge of your seat waiting to find out what I’m about to tell you (LOL! 😉)
First of all, let me tell you my reasons for keeping my personal birth & parenting choices to myself. My role as your doula was to support you, and if I told you what I did, then if you didn’t do what I did, that left the door of you wondering if I was judging you open. That was the last thing I wanted. I wanted my families to feel safe and confident in their own journey and choices. I’ve supported families in all kinds of scenarios, and never have I felt “judge-y” toward them. Every parenting choice is governed by what works best for your family and deciding what ratio of risk vs. benefit you are personally comfortable with! That leaves me with no room to judge. Honestly, I am at my very core a “live and let live” kind of person. If you know me, you know that.
But in this blog space, you, my dear readers, are not my clients. You are parents or soon-to-be parents who are looking for advice, recommendations and personal anecdotes that will help to fuel your stance and resolve to have your med-free birth, dangit! So what kind of blogger would I be if I didn’t give you that?
Okay, so now that we got that out of the way, let’s dive into my personal experience with unmedicated birth, how I prepared for it and what I wish I had done differently!
In this post, I’m only going to address my first birth experience. With my firstborn, I didn’t know a lot of people who had had babies. My mom was one of the only people I had in my circle to ask birth questions. And she was nearly 1000 miles away in Canada, where birth is a lot different (If you ever catch me in person, ask me about that if you’re in the mood for a rant).
ANYWAY. My mom had had natural births, so naturally, that is how I assumed everybody gave birth. You are probably shaking your head and saying “my sweet Canadian summer child, you are so naive”. I was. I won’t even deny it at this point.
As I learned about birth in the US, I’m not going to lie, I was getting more and more nervous by the day. I wanted to have an unmedicated birth and I wanted my medical providers to not fight me on it. Because according to The Business of Being Born, hospitals did not want me to have a natural birth. My current view on that documentary is for another blog, another day.
*sigh* I can’t leave it alone, so here’s my TL;DR version of The Business of Being Born: It’s a heavily biased outlook on birth, but the bias is not veiled at all, so you are not left wondering what their angle is. I think for someone looking for reasons to have a homebirth, birth center birth or unmedicated hospital birth, it’s a good documentary to watch. But if you watch it after you’ve given birth, especially if you chose to have an epidural, you may feel legit judged and come out the other side feeling a bit defensive. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Moving on…
What were the tools that truly prepared me for my birth experience?
I read blogs, I watched YouTube videos, I found other moms who had positive birth stories, I held tenaciously to the idea that if other women could do it, so could I. And I believe that is what got me through it. Having a positive mindset and affirmations (“I can do it, I will do it”) is more than just getting your warm fuzzies on. There are studies proving that you are more likely to achieve your goal if you believe you will and you back yourself up with positive affirmations and beliefs. So when I tell parents “Hey, you should write out your affirmations!” I’m not just being a hippie - I’ve seen and experienced the effects of it. Surround yourself with positive stories! Everybody and their grandma will have advice and their own opinion on how birth should be or how horrible it is. My advice is to avoid those stories while you are preparing for birth. When well-intentioned family members start with their birth stories ask them “Is this a positive story? If it isn’t, can you tell me another time?”
So what do I wish I had done differently? (I bet you think I’m going to say “hire a doula”. Well, I’m not.)
My biggest wish is that my husband would’ve known a few relief techniques. The basic hip squeeze or sacral pressure would’ve been great! Yes, a doula would’ve been helpful for that and of COURSE I believe that a doula is an invaluable member of a birth team. However, my birth experience was such a bonding experience for my husband and I that I don’t think I would’ve wanted to change that by adding another person, regardless of how magical they are. But goshdangit, a hip squeeze during transition would’ve made me a nicer person! Maybe I wouldn’t have bit my husband’s hand (yep, that happened….).
I had a completely uneventful birth experience in the best way possible. Alexander’s heart tones stayed normal, my labor progressed at a good rate, I went into labor on my own, my blood pressure was stable and there was no meconium when my water broke. Those are usually the top things that go sideways to cause concern and begin the interventions. I will say that in all of those regards, I was “lucky”. Because here’s the second thing I wish I had done differently: I wish I had had educated myself on what my options were had I needed an intervention. In my years as a doula, no two births are exactly the same. But I have attended births where an intervention was needed (an induction, for example) and the birth went on just fine without an epidural. Until I had trained as a doula and had seen how many variables there are to birth, I believed that one intervention meant that the entire birth plan was scraped. I think giving myself room to breathe and trust would’ve made my experience more enjoyable overall.
The last thing that I wish I had done is hired a birth photographer! I’m done having babies and there are so many times that I regret not having that life-altering and soul-shaking experience documented. So, take it from a seasoned mom and a birth doula, hire the photographer. Here are some faves I personally recommend!
What are you doing to prepare for your upcoming birth? What positive influences have you been surrounding yourself with? I’d love to hear about them!
♥