How to Make Your Postpartum Not Suck: The importance of having a plan
Everybody is talking about their birth plans.
Moms compare them, doulas preach about them, L&D nurses either relax when they see them or roll their eyes (I've seen both happen, but it's understandable - they really don't want to read a novel. Short & sweet, please! And in line with hospital policies if possible).
When I asked the kind women in my Facebook Group to tell me about their birth plans, there was comment after comment. But when I've asked about Postpartum Plans, I've either been met with straight-up *crickets* or answers like "uhhhhh... that's a thing?"
You do realize that only a few days after you have your baby, the hospital sends you home, right? You and your partner will be on your own to figure out the rest. “Here’s your tiny human! Good luck!” No manual, no guidelines for your own wellness, just *out you go*.
So yes, it's a thing. It's a very important thing. Because here's the deal with a postpartum plan - just like with a birth plan, the power of the plan is in the knowing what your options are and the process of gathering information & resources.
With a birth plan, you have a short window of time to communicate and carry out that plan (from when labor starts till shortly after your baby is born). But with a postpartum plan, you have from the time your baby is born till W H E N E V E R.
You can create your plan to cover just the hospital stay, the 4th Trimester, the first 6 months, the first year, heck, you could just make it a way of life until it doesn't work for you anymore! You can't do that with a Birth Plan... Just sayin' 🤷🏼♀️
The postpartum plan is dynamic & flexible enough so that it can either be a gentle guide as you figure out this whole parenting gig, or it can be your oxygen mask when you feel overwhelmed and lost.
Okay, so what actually goes into Postpartum Planning?
Creating a plan essentially involves listing what a Day in the Life of You looks like before baby and figuring out what you'll need help with (hint: assume you’ll need help with everything).
*Obviously, a world pandemic will change how you ask for help, but stay with me here.
Which would you rather have:
Coming home from the hospital with no idea what to do next, you just know that you are tired, hungry, emotionally spent and feeling like a fish out of water, plus you have this baby
Or coming home from the hospital knowing that you have meals ready for you, you and your partner both know who is on diaper duty, you have an outlet to process your birth experience, you have a sleep plan for your baby (I’m not talking about sleep training here, people! I’m talking about setting good sleep habits and routine), you have a solid breastfeeding plan, and you know how to soothe your newborn baby who is getting kinda mad about this whole cold, bright world?
No-brainer, right?
Taking care of your physical needs
Having a baby changes everything (duh). But sometimes it’s surprising just how much it can change! Who would’ve thought that you would need to plan and shuffle your entire day around taking a shower?
Here’s my BIGGEST PIECE OF ADVICE for expecting parents in making sure you are taken care of:
Ask for help and do not make plans to “pay back” the favor for a very long time.
My second piece of advice is this:
Communicate to your partner what you envision their role to be especially during the 4th Trimester. If your partner is anything like mine, they can’t read minds. I know. It sucks, but it’s real life.
So what physical resources should you connect with during pregnancy (just connect. You don’t have to hire yet if you’re not ready, but connecting and building your trusted resource list is what we are doing here):
La Leche League or IBCLC - breastfeeding support
A sleep consultant - to get you started in healthy sleep habits.
A meal planning/prep service or Meal Train
Grocery delivery - a lot of people are already doing this (thanks, Corona) but it’ll make your life easier postpartum.
Take a newborn care class - Just get the basics. Know how to calm down a crying baby and brush up on your diaper-changing skills. It’s a pretty legit confidence booster when you know wtf you’re doing.
Taking care of your Emotional Needs
I would argue that making room for your emotional needs is more important than your physical needs postpartum. Not that your physical needs are unimportant, but rather that by this point in your life, you probably have a good handle on what you need physically and how to take care of those things. But now, your emotional needs are changing, shifting and morphing everyday - every hour some days. Now, more than ever before, you need lifelines and an emotional support system to lean on when you feel wobbly.
Here are some resources for you to gather. These can be done virtually (that’s the beauty of emotional support - it can be done from afar!)
Therapist - one that specializes in perinatal mood disorders and birth trauma would be recommended for this list.
A postpartum doula - yes, I somehow manage to find a place to recommend a doula. What can I say? Postpartum doulas are so versatile! But seriously, doulas are more than a professional hip-squeezer at births - we are emotional support people too. Yes, virtual services are available too!
Journal - I know it seems cliche, but seriously, journaling can help you work out what is going on in your head and put your feelings on paper.
Communication - Yep, communicate your feelings.
This is not an exhaustive list, you guys. This is a starting point. It is making sure you know where your oxygen mask even is so you can put it on if you need it.
Having a birth plan is so great. But planning for when you get home is Where. It’s. At. Yes, you will figure some things out intuitively. You may not refer to your plan at all - you know, kind of like how some birth plans aren’t looked at again after being written. But gathering the information and resources will set you off in the right direction and if you feel unsteady, you will have information, a phone number to a trusted professional, or just the knowledge that past You had your back.
You got this. I believe in you.
Hi, I’m Mary.
You know me. I’ve been blogging here for almost 4 years. I’ve attended your births, held your babies at night as your postpartum doula, taught you classes and walked you through making decisions as a new parent (You can still currently book me for consultations, advice sessions, digital doula services and classes). Thanks for reading this blog and being a part of our amazing community! I appreciate you ❤